walk with me, walk with you

2006-02-20T18:03:00.000-06:00

it's been a long long time since i have posted anything. i love this thing, i am not sure why i don't use it more often. i shall try harder dear friends...try harder!

memememe

2005-11-30T02:47:00.000-06:00

ESTJ-The Supervisor
You scored 86% I to E, 84% N to S, 90% F to T, and 10% J to P!

Your type is known as the supervisor, as you are not hesitant to give your stamp of approval on others - or tell them how they are lacking if they are. You are surprised when others don't seem grateful that you have set them straight. Your type also belongs to the larger group called guardians. Experience is what matters to you, not experimentation or conjecture. You often take a lead role in the many groups and organizations you belong to. You worry a great deal about society falling apart, morality degrading, and what the world is coming to. You share your personality type with 10% of the population.
As a romantic partner, you communicate very clearly your strong opinions so your partner always knows where they stand. You are dependable, responsible, and rock solid. You can be rather infexible about giving up any control and insist on keeping a schedule, although you have great energy and enthusiam for planned adventures. You have difficulty seeing other's points of view and your biggest downfall in a relationship is dismissing your partner's feelings as illogical. You feel most appreciated for being trustworthy, efficient, and productive. You wish to be thanked tangibly for the ways you keep your lives on track.
Your group summary: Guardians (SJ)
Your Type Summary: ESTJ

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 89% on I to E

You scored higher than 97% on N to S

You scored higher than 97% on F to T

You scored higher than 4% on J to P

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

hahahahaha

2005-10-09T18:52:00.000-05:00

The Truth as He Knows It.

2005-10-09T13:42:00.000-05:00

i am leaving tuesday morning at 6 am for new orleans. i am going for a week with my job and im experiencing a mulititude of feelings about the trip. part of me is nervous about flying on the little rc plane i am scheduled to be on for the hour flight to st louis. another part of me is strangely excited about going back to new orleans, even though i know it's not the same new orleans i only this year came to know and love. another part of me is embarrassingly scared to go into a situation i know nothing about. i know it's stupid and childish, but i feel like i am going into a war zone or something. i am nervous and wondering what i need to take with me and am i safe? i know it's stupid, i do, but the fear is real nonetheless. i am only hoping that when i get there it will all go away and i will be my normal fearless self...or at least be able to pretend to be that person.

anyone have any idea what i can expect?

2005-09-19T00:54:00.000-05:00

i hate living in missouri. i am closing in on three years of being here *which is the longest i have EVER LIVED ANYWHERE* and i have hated it the whole time. it's not as bad as living in oklahoma again, but it's close. i am three thousand miles from anywhere, but smack in the middle of everything. that's the only good thing i can say about this place. everything is equally as far away. i can drive to chicago, washington dc, denver, new orleans, and houston in approximately the same amount of time. that's kind of cool i guess. but wait, i digress, i don't want to find anything good here. i am in the mood to be wistful about my true home, portland.

damn damn damn i miss portland. i love that city. i have a friend who is moving back to oregon in a couple of weeks and i am so damn jealous i can't stand it. i want to go back. it's nice to be close to my family, but i really want to be where i am happy. i used to literally thank God every day for being where i was. the city is so beautiful and the people actually care about things that matter to me. bleh...i could go on and on and on about how much i loved that place, but who wants to read about that? i will have to put some pictures on flickr for those of you who haven't had the opportunity to visit oregon. i am sure after my wonderful memories you will all want to go west and stay!

i found this shirt and i now have to have it. it makes me laugh. i love witty state shirts. i have a "utah, but im taller" one, a "colorado, how's your aspen?" and a "wisconsin, smell that dairy air." i also have a south korea's got seoul one. they crack me up. it's the simple things i suppose.

2005-09-12T01:29:00.000-05:00

over at This Is Not Over alli completely articulated my entire problem with the whole bush team response *or lack thereof* to the tragedy in new orleans. i could not have said it better if i had taken a week to think about it before writing it. it is unconscionable that as a man he hasn't been more affected by this whole thing. i watch tv, read an article, THINK about it, and i get teary eyed. it's unbelievable that his white house has not expressed more EMOTION about this whole thing. i understand that maybe there weren't the resources available. maybe there was nothing that could be done, i don't believe that, but im willing to give that much benefit of the doubt. but when i heard ray nagin's emotional cry for help i previously posted it made me respect the man as a man. he was desperate, hurting for his people, his city, his life. bush has shown none of that. it's sickening how far removed he is from the country he "leads." it's literally sickening.

2005-09-10T22:24:00.000-05:00

i didn't write about my trip to memphis, but oh i should have. i think i needed time to sober up, because let's face it, i drank more in memphis than i have in the two years proceeding memphis. i went for work with a motley crew of my co-workers. there were two hot, no, make that HOT guys, another that would be hot if he were about a foot taller, a girl who is for the most part a good friend of mine, a woman who has the worse fashion sense i have ever seen, and a woman who is roughly 55 years old. needless to say, it was an interesting trip. so many things to talk about....

1) i got lost as soon as i crossed the river into memphis and proceeded to stay that way until i crossed back over (by accident) into arkansas.

2) i drank copious amounts of alcohol, including but not limited to, something i can not pronounce, a literal bucket of goodness that had no ingredient listing on the side but made my feet have wings and my mouth have a motor, beer, shots of something else i can not pronounce, and a $7.00 long island that was about 4 ounces of liquid courage.

3) i lusted....no, make that LUSTED after one of said HOT boys in group. manymanymany things wrong with this. a) he is 19. b) i am his boss. c) he is 19. d) i may or may not have contributed to the ohsohot deliquency of said minor. e) he is so smart, hot, funny that i may have trouble not thinking about what happened in memphis for a long. long. long. time. oh yeah, did i mention that HE IS 19???

4) i learned a card trick. said hot boy taught it to me and lemme tell you, it freaks people out! it's a good one. i shall continue to bring out the party trick long past it's expiration date!

5) i learned that i *heart* the tennessee accent. i seriously do. it doesnt matter what they are saying, it's amazingly sexy. "you are hot", "would you like another drink?" "can you spare some change man?" all of it was amazingly sexy with that slow southern draw. i loveit loveit loveit. i want one of my very own.

totally off subject, but relevant to my life at the moment, TARA REID HAS AMAZINGLY HUGE BOOBS! oh. my. goodness. her chest is ridiculous. seriously out of control.

katrina....

2005-09-04T11:37:00.000-05:00

so if rudy giuliani is considered a hero after 9/11 and all he did was remain calm in a horrific situation, what are we going to consider ray nagin, the mayor of new orleans? he is not afraid to call it like it is and he is calling the bush administration on their bullshit ass slow response to katrina. this man is pissed off and he is scared for his city. it's heartbreaking. if rudy is a hero this man is a god.

2005-08-31T02:24:00.000-05:00

so i have to be honest, this whole katrina thing hurts me. i was in new orleans earlier this year and i fell in love with the city. i was planning on going back around christmas for a couple of days then we were planning on going to mardi gras next year. i see the pictures of the flooding and it looks like a foreign country. it just makes me sad. i can't hardly watch the news about it. i feel an unnatural connection to that place and the people there. i loved it....so yeah..im just sad it's so devestated.

i'm all better now

2005-08-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

ok...ive thought about it for a little while and i think i have come to terms with being almost 40. in fact, i am more than ok with it. don't women hit their sexual peak in their 40's? that's definitely something to look forward to...and im still young enough to catch the tail end of the male sexual peak...so yeah, i think strictly from a biological standpoint, im alright with being somewhere in the middle.

now, a couple of days ago i told you i would introduce you to some of my favorite women of the blog world. i don't know these women in a we-have-sat-down-for-a-cup-of-coffee kind of way, but i know them in a it's-the-mundane-things-that-connect-us kind of way. they share all of the ups and downs that make their lives interesting and i read it like a novel with no end. i don't have children like most of them, i am not married like most of them, i don't live in utah *thank god!* or michigan or new york...i live in missouri. there is nothing that would seemingly make it necessary for me to take a front seat on their journey, but i do. and i thoroughly enjoy it. i appreciate their honesty, insight, and candor when it comes to things that i have no frame of reference for. i am going to talk about them like i know them and further more like they know me. while, obviously, i do feel like i know them, they do not know me. i am a casual observer, a fan, a groupie if you will.

so...for your reading pleasure, i give you part one of The Queens of the Blog:

Dooce - heather's is the first blog i started reading. i found it after reading an article about her. she was the first person to be fired from her job for things she wrote in her journal. her humor and honesty are what got me hooked. she gives it all to you, nothing is off limits.

Meghan - meghan is so amusing. she talks about her suburban life like it is a game of cat and mouse, sometimes she is the cat, sometimes she is the mouse.

Sweetney - her updates are hilarious and her links are so interesting. i have learned much from her time spent looking around the wonder that is the world wide web.

that's all for today...i have manymany more that i want to share with everyone. i hope you all enjoy these women as much as i have.

a long long long time ago

2005-08-28T11:08:00.000-05:00

i was born. well, maybe it wasn't THAT long ago, but let me tell you, four days into my last year as a twenty-something it feels like it was. i am 29. tewnty-nine. thirty minus one. 40 minus 11. oh.my.god. 40-11. eleven years ago i was 18. eleven years from now i will be FORTY??? why oh why has this not occurred to me before now?? you should have told me! i am just as close to 18 as i am to 40. why do people not share this information? everyone gets so freaked out about being almost 30, but WE, THE ONES IN OUR TWENTY NINTH YEAR, ARE ALMOST 40!

i can not think about this anymore. i need a nap.

2005-08-19T01:44:00.000-05:00

ok....so i have had a blog of some form for the past four years. but it has only been the past few weeks that i have really gotten into other people's stuff. it started with dooce, and really, who doesn't read that? then through links on her page i came to fussy, mighty girl, and sweetney and now i can't stop. i spend hours reading about other people's lives. i am addicted. i know you all went through this. i know you did. how else would you have found this little gem of a journal? i mean it's not like i've made a t-shirt, gotten fired for my blog, or have a wonder child. although....if ever discovered, i probably could get fired for some things i have posted on my other blog. i abandoned that one because it was infiltrated by two main characters in my story. it was a lesson learned.....never publish what you don't want read. i mean there is no guarantee, promise, or right to privacy when you put something on the internet. but i digress....i just mainly wanted to say that my list of daily must reads is getting longer and longer. i will make an effort to introduce you all to the people i am finding myself drawn to over the next few days. hopefully you will see in them what i did....real people with an incredible sense of self and the articulation to express that self in sometimes tear inducing humor.

my halloween plans

2005-08-18T11:12:00.000-05:00

http://www.bandbuilder.com/vegoose/index.php?ref_code=F66318

you know you wanna go.

laugh of the week

2005-08-17T18:37:00.000-05:00

what does snoop dog wash his clothes with?

bleee-aaach

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

that is some funny stuff right there! ble-ach...hahaha

i saw it on tv so it must be true

2005-08-17T16:26:00.000-05:00

so i was watching Oprah today and man oh man....it was about hoarders....holy cow...i can so see myself turning into these people! i had a garage sale this past weekend and it was like giving my children away! i wanted to hug and say good bye to each and every little thing someone bought. i kept looking over my stuff sitting out there on that cold impersonal piece of plywood wondering what i could to do it to make it all fit into my life now!

i was once a collector of frogs....i know, it's pretty cliche, but i did it. i had so many cute little frogs...pictures of frogs, all things green were my friend. my whole house was in that pale asian theme that was soooo popular for a while. then....not so much. i started replacing the light oak with dark cherry. i replaced the light moss green with the deep reds and oranges. the frogs went the way of the dinosaurs, the bamboo disappeared. but i still held on to it all. it was in boxes, totes, piles around the house. so when i decided to have a garage sale i thought it was the perfect time to get rid of it all. but who knew i would have separation anxiety about my green plaid shower curtain?? i looked at that shower curtain for twenty minutes before i priced it. i kept thinking i would one day have a spare bathroom and i would regret not having my nice asian stuff. as if that is going to happen. we all know that once i let something go i dont ever look back. right ryan? right zan? right julie, wanda, and jenny? people, things, trends, once i get over it, i never pick it up again. so why oh why did i get a tear when that old smoker lady bought my favorite *five years ago* leopard print lap throw? and why did i tell that chunky woman that my favorite *last year* denim capris wouldnt fit her? i mean come on! that's just mean! luckily she bought them anyway. that three bucks was very well spent on my caramel macchiato later that evening.

so yeah...the moral of this story is this: sell that shit amanda! get rid of it all. you dont want to be an 80 year old woman with 200 cats!

A Three Hour Tour

2005-08-08T21:21:00.000-05:00

Day 1
hours of sleep: 3.5
time of day: 6:55am

i was tired. i slept through my alarm and had approximately 25 minutes to shower, brush my teeth, apply daily war paint, find clean clothes, MAKE IT TO STARBUCKS, then to work.
*i tell you this only so you will understand how this story has three parts*

i was in the shower, just finishing the frantic rinsing of my hair, in mid swivel to grab the conditioner. out of the corner of my eye i saw him - a huge brown beast of a spider just sitting there on the ledge guarding my razor like a federal marshal with jeffery dahmer. *i say him because no self respecting she-spider could resist the urge to preen when stared at with such interest and wonder* so i do what any woman with three minutes and a waiting caramel macchiotto does, i turn around and face the shower full force and proceed to mach-speed finish my shower with one eye constantly on my foe. then i jump out close the shower curtain, rip it open again to see if said beast has moved, which it hadn't, and immediately forget about him in the mad rush towards caffeine and 8 hours of hell.

Day 2
hours of sleep: 4
time of day: 11:45 am

i was tired. i did the whole relay for life thing the night before and i was just tired. i jumped in the shower, frantic because i had thirteen thousand things to do before i went to work. i am in mid conditioner-grabbing-swivel and i spot him. out of the corner of my eye, just sitting there, guarding my razor like a knight with a castle under siege. so i do what any woman with thirteen thousand things to accomplish in one half of one hour would do. i give the full attention of one eyeball to my foe and mach-speed finish my shower. i jump out, close the curtain, rip it open to see if sir hairy legs has moved, which it hadn't, and immediately forget about him on my mad rush towards caffeine and the twelve thousand ninety-nine things left on my to do list.

Day 3
hours of sleep: 4
time of day: 6:45am

i was tired. i napped all damn evening last night and was then up until 2:30 this morning. i was just tired. i jumped in the shower, frantic because, damnit, i have to iron something to wear to work and i have no fucking idea how one goes about that task. so, im in mid conditioner-grabbing-swivel and i spot him, sitting there guarding my razor like a fat girl with her last cookie. so i do what any woman who hasn't shaved her legs in a week would do. i smash the fucking thing into oblivion. while i am standing there like the rock laying the smack down, i realize it shouldn't have been that easy. i shouldn't have been able to corner the beast who guards. i stand there, water rushing, and something clicks. THE DAMN THING WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME.

how could i have missed that little fact?

Fairly OddParents Makes Me Smarter

2005-08-02T12:02:00.000-05:00

funstructive adj
something that is both fun AND destructive.

Going home with that guy last night was funstructive.

Yelling jihad at the National Right Wing Moral Majority Convention was funstructive.

Tom Cruise is funstructive.

Cartoons teach me many things. This word has officially become a staple of my vocabulary. I like it.

2005-08-02T01:56:00.000-05:00

this is the place in which i live : Joplin, MO . i can not read it without feeling the blood rush to my head and hearing it boil in my ears. here is my response:

I am writing this letter in response to the "What is a Liberal?" editorial by Jim Bates on 8/01/05. I find it interesting that Jim defines liberalism as another word for socialism. The American Heritage Dictionary defines liberalism as a : “political theory founded on the natural goodness of humans and the autonomy of the individual and favoring civil and political liberties, government by law with the consent of the governed, and protection from arbitrary authority. “

Where in that definition is there anything that would lead to hating God or destroying the country? If anything liberalism is exactly what this country was founded on. We are a country founded on the belief that people deserve the chance to be who they are. There is no asterisk in the Constitution. We were not founded to be a haven for the moral majority. We were founded to be a place of freedom and that includes the freedom to chose, the freedom to worship without censorship, and the freedom to love freely. Wanting these things is not destroying the country; it is preserving it as it was meant to be.

So Jim, the next time you want to place blame for the downfall of the America you love so much, look in the mirror. It is people like you who spew hate and mistruths under the guise of morality, and with the use of fear, which have degraded this country. Give me one fact to back up your claim that I, as a liberal, am destroying America, and I will show a hundred more that prove how you, as part of the right-wing-moral-majority, are destroying the very thing this country was built on – freedom. Believing the White House is not the place to define God, love, or choice does not make me a communist, it makes me a true American, a liberal.

Signed,
Amanda Ritter
a God-fearing-America-loving-freedom-exercising-VOTING-liberal

my rear view mirror is my guide

2005-07-30T21:14:00.000-05:00

there are times in my life when i know i am doing the right thing. i wake up in the morning and i know that i am on the right path. the signs are clearly marked and the tank is full....i am ready to go. however, there are also times in my life when i know i am NOT doing the right thing. i wake up in the morning and i feel like there is a gang of abusive gnomes dancin in my head. i feel foggy and unfocused. i search and search for something that fits and it's a bit of a pain in the ass when i realize i am a square peg searching for a round hole.

the problem with these times in my life *both good and bad* is that i never realize where i am until i am leaving. my rear view mirror is my guide. i need a reference point to gauge my life by.

so yeah, i feel bleh and i go blah blah blah.

to do or not to do

2005-07-22T11:17:00.000-05:00

so i find myself in the middle of an employment dilemma. i currently have a mid-level retail management job at a major department store. i am a customer service person and i hate it. i don't mind the corporation so much as i am just sick to death of dealing with the people i work with. my supervisor is a completely narcissistic ass and if you aren't currently in possession of a penis, you aren't going anywhere above a certain level in our store. however, i have good benefits, a very flexible schedule, and i am finding, not too bad of pay. i am pretty much done with the b.s. in my store. almost every day i go into work and within twenty minutes i am pissed off. a majority of my friends are leaving and now i am looking too. i have been looking around and interviewing with a couple of places and now i have the afore mentioned dilemma.

i have an interview for an assistant manager position with a large home improvement store. the interview is aug 4th, the position is a salaried position with immediate benefits, profit sharing, stock options, and about $10000 more a year. WELL, today i got offered a position with a new place opening here in town. it's doing the same thing i am doing now, making about $.40 cents more an hour, good benefits, but they don't start for 90 days, with vacation not for a year. i would have to start on aug 13th. so my dilemma is this, do i take a position that makes only $.40 cents more and no vacation for a year just to be out of my store? what if i get the asst. manager job at the other place? i will have to accept or pass on this new position before i will know about that job. should i stay where i am on the off chance i will get the asst manager job? i have had two interviews already and at the next one i will have to take tests and go through a series of scenarios with regional managers. i have never interviewed for a job and not gotten it though. *sigh* whattodo whattodo

you may not know me, but your opinion is appreciated!

the man-god that is tom welling

2005-07-21T01:55:00.000-05:00

i've spent a majority of my day watching smallville while pressing my hand against my mouth trying to convince myself that if i do in fact puke i will make it to the toilet. i threw up a little bit of stomach acid last night and have for the past 24 hours felt like there is nothing more in the world that i want to do than pukepukepuke. amazingly though..i dont feel bad really. i just feel like i am going to hurl the nonexistant contents of my stomach across the room in a fashion that would make linda blair blush. i could show that head spinning wench a thing or two.

so more about this phenom that is smallville. i have not seen this show before. how have i lived a life with cable and not been exposed to the man-god that is tom welling? he is a beautiful creature. a 28 year old, 6'3, dark haired, green eyed man-god. shame on you for not telling me he existed! i thought we were friends! i have made it through the first season in the past three days. mandy's not so on-the-same-page-as-most-people dad happens to have the first three seasons on dvd. he will only let us have one season at a time though. we must return the first one to get the second one. if mandy does not comply within the next 12 hours i shall be forced to go to plan b. and like all of my plan b's that route involves nails and string. if she knows what's good for her she wont make me break out the string!

reflections on 30

2005-07-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

so this is me. it's so exactly what i have looked like for the past 100 years. apparently my contract is up though, cause i am starting to look a little older lately. i guess that's a good thing though. i am almost 30...well i will be 30 in about a year and some change. who would have thought i would turn 3o so soon? not me says the eternally maturity challenged chica on the left.

there are many things i want to say here in this place...but alas they are all more effort than i presently possess. i shall leave them for another time.