A Three Hour Tour

Day 1
hours of sleep: 3.5
time of day: 6:55am

i was tired. i slept through my alarm and had approximately 25 minutes to shower, brush my teeth, apply daily war paint, find clean clothes, MAKE IT TO STARBUCKS, then to work.
*i tell you this only so you will understand how this story has three parts*

i was in the shower, just finishing the frantic rinsing of my hair, in mid swivel to grab the conditioner. out of the corner of my eye i saw him - a huge brown beast of a spider just sitting there on the ledge guarding my razor like a federal marshal with jeffery dahmer. *i say him because no self respecting she-spider could resist the urge to preen when stared at with such interest and wonder* so i do what any woman with three minutes and a waiting caramel macchiotto does, i turn around and face the shower full force and proceed to mach-speed finish my shower with one eye constantly on my foe. then i jump out close the shower curtain, rip it open again to see if said beast has moved, which it hadn't, and immediately forget about him in the mad rush towards caffeine and 8 hours of hell.

Day 2
hours of sleep: 4
time of day: 11:45 am

i was tired. i did the whole relay for life thing the night before and i was just tired. i jumped in the shower, frantic because i had thirteen thousand things to do before i went to work. i am in mid conditioner-grabbing-swivel and i spot him. out of the corner of my eye, just sitting there, guarding my razor like a knight with a castle under siege. so i do what any woman with thirteen thousand things to accomplish in one half of one hour would do. i give the full attention of one eyeball to my foe and mach-speed finish my shower. i jump out, close the curtain, rip it open to see if sir hairy legs has moved, which it hadn't, and immediately forget about him on my mad rush towards caffeine and the twelve thousand ninety-nine things left on my to do list.

Day 3
hours of sleep: 4
time of day: 6:45am

i was tired. i napped all damn evening last night and was then up until 2:30 this morning. i was just tired. i jumped in the shower, frantic because, damnit, i have to iron something to wear to work and i have no fucking idea how one goes about that task. so, im in mid conditioner-grabbing-swivel and i spot him, sitting there guarding my razor like a fat girl with her last cookie. so i do what any woman who hasn't shaved her legs in a week would do. i smash the fucking thing into oblivion. while i am standing there like the rock laying the smack down, i realize it shouldn't have been that easy. i shouldn't have been able to corner the beast who guards. i stand there, water rushing, and something clicks. THE DAMN THING WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME.

how could i have missed that little fact?